Isolated.

7:13: Blarmmmm…...blarmmm…...blarmmmm…. BLARMM 

It was only 7:13 AM, and I had already failed. Out of habit/laziness- I woke up to a cacophony of beeping from my iPhone 6 and sat up in my cold, empty dorm room. I found myself completely alone- a rare occurrence, as my roommate and her slightly obnoxious boyfriend usually occupied the bed next to mine. As I turned off my phone and laid it in its desk drawer grave, I began to feel overwhelmingly alone. Dressing myself for the day in eerie silence, something was missing. Panic and cold sweats set in as I realized I couldn’t fill this deafening silence with music. I turned to my camera for comfort as I set off into the harsh, unforgiving world of media users.

Walking to class, I began to notice how many individuals were plugged in, something I hadn’t cared about when I was as well. Without my phone, I felt alone. However, with my phone, I was still alone. My phone is simply a numbing device. I just didn’t realize, because I was turning off my senses. When I'm blaring Nirvana and looking at Instagram posts, it becomes easier to ignore that I haven't talked to a real, live person all day.

Something struck me as I walked past the dining hall, and looked upon these students, all sitting alone, all plugged in. They were isolated, but didn’t seem to care. They sought companionship through their respective media devices instead of each other.

Everywhere I turned, I saw more students walking, sitting, standing, and studying alone. They were seemingly comforted by their devices- but deep down had to feel alone like I did- right? 

After my classes concluded, I caught a bus downtown. I tend to go downtown when I'm lonely and feel the need to wander, it reminds me of my hometown. Sitting at the bus stop, I felt increasingly isolated, because everyone else there was staring at a screen. I didn't know the time (I lost my watch camping and have been relying on my phone to tell time) so I just prayed a bus would show up eventually.

I’m fairly used to being isolated, as I’m a closet introvert. I enjoy talking to people and doing social things, but thrive moving at my own pace and being alone. I’ve become very good at hiding my emotions, whether behind my face or a screen. 

crying through a smile

I paused as I walked past this graffiti-ed semi truck while exiting the bus downtown. Seemingly accidental paint drips on this smile, caused me to think about how we as humans act on social media. We hide behind polished Instagram and Twitter accounts, displaying only the hilarious, memorable, and picture perfect moments of our lives, even if we are breaking inside.

Strolling downtown, I captured this Vivian Maier-esque portrait. I thought it really captured how I felt and looked compared to those moving so quickly around me. I felt isolated. But I felt okay.

This older gentleman was starved for human interaction. Whilst cleaning windows, he was plugged into his phone listening to music. When someone would walk by him, he would widely smile, wave, and attempt to strike up a conversation. If ignored, he'd turn back to his music to replace the social interaction he longed for.

I moved over to a park bench to continue admiring the nice fall day (it's much easier to stop and smell the roses when not glued to a screen) when this woman walked by me clearly on a mission. It saddened me that she was too distracted talking on her phone to enjoy the beautiful fall day I was enjoying. She was too busy to smile or wave at the window washing man. His face fell. 

I ambled into a gelato shop, and found myself alone in there as well. The employee must've been hiding in the back of the store, I took pictures of the photogenic gelato before she caught me. I was beginning to feel starved for human contact, so I struck up a conversation with the cashier. I explained to her that I was refraining from digital devices for the day- and while she applauded me, she was skeptical.

"You actually think your other classmates are going to do that all day?"

I walked out of the gelato shop and noticed this girl sitting with two musical instruments. I was feeling bold, so I asked her how her day was, and if I could take her picture. She clearly wasn't expecting anyone to talk to her, and it is clear in the photo that she is a bit uncomfortable. Hours without social media caused me to forget that people don't actually talk to each other anymore. Ha.

Sitting on the curb waiting for a bus home, for what seemed like decades (this whole no concept of time thing was getting old) I learned to accept being alone, and realized that my cell phone only perpetuated my loneliness. Without getting texts every thirty seconds, and blasting music for hours on end, I could see how ridiculous those around me looked while glued to their devices. I thought about the lady on her phone, too busy to smile at strangers or to enjoy her surroundings, and decided I didn't want to be like that. It was healthy dose of reality to unplug for a while.